Brickleberry S02E14

Brickleberry S02E14

love you too Malloy I bet you’ll be
sweet forever stop shooting at me oh you are so old and cranky
Rangers time for morning inspection oh hell happened here I organized your desk
for you what where’s my expense reports and the envelope full of petty cash in
the paper shredder you have to let go of the clutter you shredded a picture of my
dead mother clutter I was supposed to shred that it’s called closure sir sorry
I’m late woody Jesus Williams you are a slob you look like a turd in a tie what
is that stain on your goddamn uniform it’s a it’s lasagna
wait no burchett I had a little accident Kona Minh you wrecked your patrol car
again what is this the fourth time this month it’s not my fault you know I have
that blind spot that’s your neck woody all this
screaming and yelling is not good for morale ooh
Little Miss OCD thinks she can do my job I could definitely do it
yeah well this job’s not as easy as you are princess so you know what I mean you
Rangers are a disgrace to those National Park Service’s uniforms woody you’re
stressed I mean isn’t Malloy supposed to be your therapy pet why did you go
snuggle with him or something the only gets out on his birthday and I don’t
know or give a shit when his birthday is you people are all driving me nuts I
don’t know which one of yours worse well I’m better than calm no you’re not Steve
you’re way worse than me well I’m better than all of you really you’re no good worthless shit-for-brains
lazy hey lazy who’s gonna pay for all this shit I swear to god you guys obeyed
our dad and what he had a stroke Oh what happened
what do you had a mini stroke a mini stroke is like a regular stroke but
fun-sized fantasized whoa let’s not make light
here woody this is serious your blood pressure is the highest I’ve
ever seen let me just draw some blood oh dear you know this brings back memories
of that too cocky film I did to pay for medical school woody you must cut out
every bit of stress in your life or you’re going to die probably today die
okay well do you own a therapy pet yeah but he won’t let me Pat him well then
woody I’m afraid your only option is suicide suicide sooth inside it’s a
meditation class they offer at the clinic do you think I’m some kind of New
Age fairy garbage oh darn another mini-stroke woody I’m sure you won’t
mind if I get a few upskirt shots for my private collection
say cheese hello travelers I’m astral your new instructor hey buddy
I’d like to position myself in her Lord as you know what I mean okay everyone
close your eyes inhale a long deep breath and imagine a calm serene scene calm down here pet me I’m kidding attack oopsie I have never seen such a display
of raw passion I suggest a private session I can help you channel that rage
and find inner peace okay it’ll help me relax oh it was a black guy I figured
out a jet pack woody I was driving and eating lasagna and Connie crashed into
me and made me spill it all over myself but Steve rammed me a man Ram Connie
what is this bullshit day I didn’t Ram her yes you did you wire it is a
beautiful morning isn’t it Rangers you’re not gonna yell at us no my child
my anger has flown it’s true I’ve been trying to piss him off all morning cut
it out Denzel that thing’s dangerous now getting between you and a baggage
Cheetos the dangerous this is fun attention my friends I’d like everyone
to meet the woman who saved my life my harbinger of love peace and inner
healing say hello to the new love of my life new love your life I hope you let
that rubber fist down easy hello sweet spirits my name is astral of course it
is I have an announcement I am taking a voluntary leave of absence and I am
passing on my executive duties to Ethel Ethel woody I am more than capable of
great choice woody the park will be so much more efficient and I won’t
mini-stroke out because I can actually deal with the pressures at the top what
anything you mind your chakras woody don’t stray from your cosmic pathway
ah this is the most relaxing poop I have ever taken any chance you could do that somewhere
else astral says this spot has the best
energy Malloy I’m hoping that we can be friends golf weirdo alright sorry
please Gogh weirdo I really like you Malloy and as a gesture of our new
friendship I painted this for you that looks like someone took a shit on a
canvas bingo you got a good eye but this scat art isn’t the only new
addition to our home Astral’s moving in with us what don’t worry you won’t even
notice she’s here she great hey guess what she’s a squirter it’s like going
down out a fire hydrant in Harlem she could break up a riot with that thing
see you later squirt what are you doing here the chubby chaser
woody is asleep I just wanted to let you know that I’m part of his life now we
are soul mates and you should accept that
oh you think you’re his first girlfriend that’s cute see he’s had many but it
always ends the same way Malloy isn’t there’s a nice meal that
Jolene made later honey where did she touch you point it out on
the doll right there a little lot and you’ll be history soon too asshole that
is how you pronounce your name right asshole I’m not like the others you
won’t get rid of me so easily and why is that destiny brought woody and I
together nobody’s gonna get in the way of our
love and if you try well I’m glad we had this talk I’ll show that psycho bitch
what did you say I said I love you Oh beautiful stress-free day I’m
starving must have been from burning all those
calories last night hey your girlfriend hit the nail on the head when she told
me I shouldn’t punch myself in the eye well my little honey pot gives good
advice well your girlfriend’s a quarter who don’t I know it it’s like licking
Moby Dick’s blowhole yes your girlfriend’s a squirter that’s what I
was trying to say no she’s insane she’s threatened to kill me insane oh I know
what you’re doing you want your daddy all to yourself that’s not what I’m
doing she told me she’s gonna come into my
room in the middle of the night and tuck me in like a real mom Wow mister that is
so cool oh you think that’s cool cerissa preschool field trip and not a single
fatality oh how refreshing just doing my job
head Ranger Ethel over now ah good job Ethel Oh Thank You Ethel Connie I need
your help Woody’s girlfriend is batshit crazy she
seemed nice to me maybe you’re just jealous yeah and maybe you’re just uh
honey I have the energy to insult you’d just step on a scale hey where’s all the
Danish it’s bear claw Wednesday now it’s fresh fruit Wednesday ha ah this doesn’t
taste anything like a donut I hate it okay
my motto is efficiency through positivity by working together we can
achieve greatness sorry it’s probably really important
brickleberry National Park head Ranger Ethel speaking and the park expense
reports are late we have those I’ll get right on that sorry can you hold
hello head Ranger what do you mean the lakes on fire oh my god hold on I need
you here hey are you and your baby I don’t want to say I told you so great
then don’t say cuz the jet pack is still awesome damn Ethel what happened to be a
positive iPod egg urine right right maybe you can’t handle this Ethel Oh God not Steve oh gosh you had me
worried I thought you were gonna do something stupid sorry to disappoint you
boss I don’t think a stupid person saves tourists or rescues rabid wolves all right why are you following me
around because I don’t want to be alone with your insane girlfriend you have got
to stop acting weird Malloy we’re having a dinner party this is the first time
daddy’s gonna meet all of mommy’s friends oh oh and she’s in a cult oh come on Malloy it’s not a cult
it’s just Astros church friends they’re just a little quirky
praise Lord Jesus in god of the universe may he fill our vessels with this alien
seed it makes more sense than Catholicism tourism numbers Park budget
safety inspection funnies Mac excuse that face Steve do you stream you stupid
son of a bitch do you swear loyalty to Lord targe is Ian hey better him than
Obama what the hell is going on Oh Malloy good you got the evite guess what
they’re making me a full member of the church now woody there’s one last step
your sacrificial offering hey Malloy could you grab my checkbook now you’re
giving them money oh don’t act like all churches don’t have a one-time
membership fee of your entire life savings what the hell are you doing stealing me
some jet fuel they’ll settle shit the Exxon station you’re under arrest
okay I’ll come with you quietly this site we got a building listen to me I’m not afraid of you
anymore I’m a bear God who does that what did
you get out of my house okay huh that was easy
wait what’s the catch no catch tonight woody and I are jumping off brickleberry
cliff I’m traveling to a new world could you hold on one second you crazy bitch
turns out you little fun clubs a suicide cult do you know that you’re gonna jump
off a cliff tonight nah chance tonight is just a secret church field trip do
not go anywhere with that maniac she has you brainwashed or no not this time
Malloy you have run off every girlfriend I’ve ever had
why can’t you let me be happy is this about the petting fine you can pet me
but you have to break up with her I don’t want your pity Pat look what you
have got to believe me yeah Astral’s right you don’t give a shit about me you
know what I’m done with you it’s over I hope you do kill yourself you ignorant
gullible ass ah that’s the cutest stroke I’ve ever seen what do you FL you don’t look so good
I’m stress-eating look who’s talking you look like a
bucket a hog shit sorry you haven’t called the maintenance guy to repair the
washing machines Wow get to it Connie Chuck getting that camel toe
before a plane tries to land on it sorry again little break in the forties and
spilling out white women kiss my ass Ethel get my Earth legs back where’s
your jet park I sold that shit on eBay I tried to tell you was nothing but
trouble no I tried to tell you what he was right I can’t do this job I had no
idea how much he had to deal with we gotta get back Malloy yes Connie he’s
gonna jump to his death off brickleberry cliff with his psycho squirter
girlfriend tried to tell you okay I’ll Drive No so Malloy was right we’re
killing ourselves I’m not sure about this it is merely a leap of faith
Abby avian mothership will arrive and take us to our cosmic paradise we will
be together forever living in bliss with anything you could ever desire jumbo
shrimp oh you can eat let’s jump
it’s almost time we’re running late we can’t let anything stop us right after I
get me some driving lasagna you’re right Steve driving lasagna does taste better
okay we still got time if we hurry that was the last of the disciples I guess
we’re next yes eyes on the prize way jumbo shrimp
jumbo shrimp jumbo shrimp left here no no I’m trying you’re
turning right my left or your left man we got to hurry up to save weight
James quickest because wait where’s my lie here
he didn’t come Wow I guess he really doesn’t care about me but I do I’ve
loved you since the first moment I saw you yeah oh so he’s milord a talked about 12 on
eBay well you saved me yes saved my life uh-huh I knew you
cared about me shut up before I drop you what was I thinking I don’t know how to
thank you little buddy and all you Rangers thank you for always
being there for me shit it’s real I got a bit on that ship
there party it on there wait that asshole hey is she blowing that guy and
he’s eating jumbo shrimp jumbo shrimp they got jumbo shrimp damn it wait come
back I will never forgive you malai

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