Canadians are not the nice ones | Rob Bebenek

Canadians are not the nice ones | Rob Bebenek

Yeah, look at all you lovely, sweet-looking Canadian people. You guys are all so sweet. Right? ‘Cause you’re Canadian, right? You’re nice. Sooner or later we gotta just own up to the fact that we are not the nice ones in our relationship with our neighbours to the south. Right? Everyone thinks, around the world, “Oh!” “Canadians are so nice.” “Americans are awful.” That’s not the way it is. You ever ask an American what they think of a Canadian? They’re just like, “Oh they’re so great, they’re just great little people.” “Up there with their cute hats. They’re awesome, I love them so much.” You ever ask a Canadian what they think of an American? What about you guys? You got anything nice to say? Oh sure, when there’s one around, yeah. Yeah. We’re not stupid. We know there’s a good chance they’re armed. You make something up, right? You’re just like, “Oh, yeah, they’re pretty good at, um, like the Olympics and weapons and stuff.” Get us alone, though, and it’s open season, right? I dunno. I do – I hate crossing the border though. I really it hate it. I hate it. Even when I have proper paperwork and I’m doing something totally legal – I hate it, right? Has anybody crossed the border recently? Was it fun? No! Of course not! Right? ‘Cause you start pulling up to that little booth and you start feeling bad about things you’ve never even thought about doing in your life. Right? You’re just driving up to that thing, you’re like, “Oh, I shouldn’t have killed all those bald eagles.” “That’s gonna catch up with me here.” And you get there and they ask you simple questions but your brain shuts off, right? They’ll just look at you, be like, “You got anything in the trunk?” And you just panic. You’re like, well, thirty seconds ago I’d have said nothing, but now there’s a good chance it’s full of dead kids stuffed with guns and heroin. I can’t do this today. Peace. You can’t do that either, eh? You can’t quit when you get to the front of the line. Right? “Where ya headed?” Back to Canada, bud, I can’t do this today. They’ll chase you down the highway. It’s not the same the other way around, right? Like coming – coming in the Canadian side is hilarious, right? It’s just – you come up to that little red booth and the guy pops his head out the window, he’s like, “Hey bud!” How’s it going, man? “Oh not too – not too bad, just watchin’ the border, y’know.” “Where ya headed?” Winnipeg. “Oh, no way! Say hey to Gary for me.” “You got anything in your car?” “Ah, I don’t care, in ya go.” American side’s a little different, isn’t it? Right? You wanna know why? Because they told those guys, somewhere along the lines, they’re like, “Hey!” “Listen! You’re the last line of defense!” And they’re all morons so they’re like, “I’m the last line of defense!” “I gotta protect my country! I’m the last line of defense!” You’re not the last line of defense. You’re not protecting your country. You’re just delaying Canadians’ trips to Target. That’s all you’re doing. (laughter, applause) Right? And it’s just like – I got a nice border cop once and I was immediately terrified, okay? I had no idea how to handle it ’cause I was like, they’re not nice; this is a trick. And I was right. All right? I was right. Because I got detained for three and a half hours because I borrowed my friend’s car and he just didn’t know how to handle that. Like he just didn’t understand the concept of borrowing. He just looked at me, he’s like, “Well, where’s your friend now?” I’m like, he’s at work in Toronto. “And he just gave you his car?” Well, like, I gotta give it back. And he just sat there with a stupid look on his face and at that moment in time I realized border cops don’t have friends. You wouldn’t hang out with somebody who’s that big of a dick! You wouldn’t go to Ed’s house if you showed up there and he’s like “What are you doing here?” You invited me over here to watch the game! “You got anything on you?” Yeah, snacks! Get out of the doorway!

Comments (100)

  1. Coming back from the states is harder I find, I always get some french bitch.

  2. I don’t see the Bill Burr resemblance at all??? Except he sounds like him in that one impression. Nothing In their comedy is similar

  3. Ive honestly never met a nice Canadian. 🙁

  4. Any trailer park boys episode could tell you that

  5. Wow. Holy laugh track, Batman!

  6. As an American the Concept of Borrowing someone else’s car sounds crazy, but when you think about it that does make sense, we’re just paranoid.

  7. True. You don't even know why Toronto is called "the bullshit city"!!!

  8. “There’s a good chance there armed” 😂😂

  9. No, Americans still think we all live in snow, ice and igloos. That's ridiculous in the 21st century.

  10. These laugh tracks sound fucking terrible

  11. So… this isnt Ted Talk?

  12. Canada is such a beautiful country but I'll never go back. I visited once and got the message.

  13. At least Canadians are nicer than those American assholes.

  14. I don’t it is possible! I’m in love. He is so Nice being mean!

  15. I cross into the US regularly. They treat us great. God bless America. Enough of them died fighting wars that we were already in .

  16. Back in 2004 from Detroit to Windsor I had the opposite experience. Canadians went all thru my car and US let me go thru without an issue.

  17. Don’t be exposing us

  18. Some of these comments are just straight up ignorant. Not our fault your school systems didnt decide to educate you on other history that's not your own. 🤷🏼‍♀️

  19. Tip: If you want nice Canadians, don’t go to Toronto.

  20. canada has a serious insecurity about america that is hardly ever discussed. very strange. we dont think about mexico either but they dont care. canadians care. they always want to feel like everybody is giving them attention. no we are not. we dont care.

  21. American border patrol can be pretty nasty.

  22. Hey it's dollar store Chris Pratt

  23. He reminded me a lot of Bill Burr

  24. Well this Canadian was awfully mean.

  25. Im amrican and this is the funniest stand up ive seen

  26. So nice and PC 🙂

  27. Fine! ‘Merica didn’t want to share our guns and Targets with you anyways! We’ll just bully Mexico instead!

  28. Country is illusion that is made by few lines on grounds. Look this planet from space, there is no line or no country

  29. Canadian chris pratt

  30. FFS America is a total police state , it’s ridiculous
    99% of Americans are slaves and they don’t even know it

  31. I'm the last line of defense, shit was hilarious, Americans are the most paranoid people in the world.

  32. Yeah…. I’m a Canadian…. I think America is bad because of trump! The country is great, I go there all the time, but when trump is president, now I go once a year.
    Do u guys have target? Zelurs? Sears? Those r some of the stores that has closed down in Canada….. I’m sad that they r gone now 🙁

  33. There is a island in between America and canada it’s in Canada but the only way to get to it via road is through America. It’s got very little shops too right so to get booze for a camping trip there you have to go over the border buy it there then come back through customs luckily they don’t seem to give too much of a shit there

  34. They're all American
    North American that is

  35. Well fuk this was funny

  36. First video in a long time about how Americans are actually good people

    People in the comments: “ikr I hate Americans, can’t wait till somebody nukes em’”

  37. That is how it feels to enter another persons country ,they are mean.

  38. Only reason we cross the border to the US is for Disney land and alcohol

  39. As an American, I actually heard it's more difficult going to Canada. My dad was going up there to help another company with a problem they had and he was told to lie to the Canadian Border Guards because they would've told them they don't need help from Americans

  40. “Ya got anything on you?”
    “Yeah, snacks! Now get out of the doorway!” 😂

  41. I just love how all these newly Canadian's & American's have created this cyber war of which country is better. USA vs Canada or vice verse. I WONDER WHY?? to divide two great nations?? Screw all the fresh of the boats. Canada+USA=💕

  42. Canadians don't say bad things about Americans, but lots are thinking about bad things XD

  43. im aussie, had a canadian teacher for 12 months…
    best year of my life! wassup mr coombs ✌🏼

  44. Canadians aren't mean to americans. We state true facts. That is not being mean. To say that americans have guns. True fact. To say that some are deal with poverty and mental illness and as a result can be rude. Fact. It doesn't mean all americans are this way. There is just more potential due to the population difference from Canada to America.

  45. As a retired Vet. I found it easier to visit the US vs coming back home in Canada.

  46. Its was easier for my familie to get a united states green card than it was to even try to get a canadian visa… That was a rip off trying to get a canadian visa, if you think its hard to migrate to usa, you got no clue how hard it was to not even get a visa for canada

  47. Target failed in Canada. Shitty store. Aaaahh babye

  48. Canada is actually nice, although Toronto is kinda an exception

  49. We are flipping nice people in Canada damn it 🇨🇦 sorry for the bad language.

  50. Canada God bless you! We stand on GUARD FOR THEE

  51. No Canada is made in blood shed and genocide of the First Nations people . They were sent to residential schools . Raped abused . Canada is beautiful but it’s full of racism !!! Murder ! Woman get killed left and right ! Canada is not all roses

  52. USA/Canada in a nutshell: USA, Ford GT 40 Corvette Hellcat. Canada, Gremlin Pacer Matador

  53. when crossing the border, dont even think of illegal shit, they have machines that read yer mind a mile before you even get to the border, true story.

  54. OMG he is so right about border guards. I have had some dick Canadian guards but in general the American ones are total jacked up assholes and I am an American who lives near the border and crosses somewhat often.

  55. Yep, Target is where we're going…where else????

  56. As a Canadian AND an American, this was hilarious

  57. living in a border city in Canada crossing the border fairly often doesn’t seem weird to me at all, im so used to it now. also, get nexus !!

  58. Who is this Mark Forward rip off.

  59. When I was coming back home from visiting New York the Canadian border people at the airport just let me in and I did not show them any identification what so ever. It was more like “welcome back have a great one eh”

  60. Canada for ever. I'm from New Zealand… Canada's cool cousin that you haven't seen in ages. 🙂

  61. Growing up in Toronto I never thought the Canadian were nice stance was entirely true. Until I was on a plane from Montreal to Ottawa. Istg everyone was so friendly and chatty. It was like everyone knew eachother. Then I thought “oh damn Toronto sucks” until I went to New York and was like okay “they’re bad by Canadian standards”

  62. I've actually found us border guards to be much friendlier than cbsa, when driving across/back, flying on the other hand, they're both nice

  63. I came to this to only see the butthurt comments Canadians would make.

  64. I'll say sorry well slapping the shit out of u

  65. Ayye Winnipeg🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

  66. Yea, when Americans call Canadians nice, it’s not a compliment. Americans can turn anything into an insult including being nice. They’re called “too” nice, as though that’s a thing. Americans relentlessly make fun of Canada for things that are good. Oh, you guys are friendly? Weak! Pushovers! You have affordable healthcare? Communists! You have a police force that doesn’t kill black people for no good reason and they sometimes wear big hats and ride horses? Lame! Pansies! Americans are not nice about Canadians and it’s always for things that they think make Canada look weak when in fact it makes them healthy and highlights the United States’ weaknesses. And also, the average American knows nothing more about Canada than the things I just listed. So if Canadians, being more educated on their neighbours than vice versa, have some negative things to say that are truthful and the result of paying attention, then that’s fair.

  67. It's so odd. I've been a lot of places and everyone thinks Canadians are all the nicest people. Majority are, but we have two (possibly three) entire provinces of people who are trying to be exactly like Americans, even in the little shit town I live in, entitlement is rampant. Canadians aren't as nice as people think they are.

  68. Ive never had a problem going into the states the last time i crossed the boarder was for a bachelor party we were crossing from ottawa guy looked at us car full of 22 year olds and said where u guys going we said atlantic city he said oh ya what for we said bachelor party no joke his response was no way we usually come to ottawa for ours we go to a place called big all's or something we were like Pig als' Hes like ya thats the place ( its our #1 strip club in ottawa ) then waved us thru said have fun.

  69. This dudes funny asf 😭🤣

  70. Dear YouTube, sure I might live in Canada, but this does not mean that this video needs to sit in my recommended for the past 3 days. I really don’t care.

  71. Omg too funny eh !! 😂

  72. Pretty sure he used bill burrs and jim jeffries character in this

  73. Hes like the love child of Chris Pratt and Ron Swanson

  74. Canadian's are polite, not nice.

  75. Canadians are nice but just don't go to toronto, trust me.

  76. I am from Canada and I have to say he is right not all the Canadians are not nice and specially with women

  77. friendly reminder – it's not the country – it might just be the person. Good and Bad EVERYWHERE.
    Same thing applies to every kitchen in any and every house party. In 2 minutes you always find out whether some people are dicks while others are lovely.

  78. As an american–TRUE LMAO

  79. People in Toronto are assholes (mostly) but everyone else is pretty cool.

  80. It’s like a weird mix between Chris Pratt and Jim Gaffigan.

  81. This shit isn’t even funny, I’m even Canadian this shit is just cringey like fuck off.

  82. LMAO this guy is hilarious 😂😂

  83. I’m Canadian lmao!

  84. Note of advice keep an eye on the Canadians they will shag your wife, daughter, even your mother, they will drink all of your booze eat all of your food they will wreck your car   and steal your  women.  I know this first because I am Canadian. Happens  all the time .

  85. Lol this guy is great

  86. The man in the little red shack. This is (hand on a stack of phone books) totally true! It is a little red shack with one guy. He looks at your passport, gives it back and tells you to pay $5 to the next guy for the bridge toll. lol

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